history again? noooo >.<

deep inside there's this something that is pulling me down..
i bury it underneath every encased actual emotions.
i know what's wrong and what's right.. i know deep inside what i really want. but i just choose to turn against it.

i somehow need things straight. that perfect life i've been working on yes? i need that security that i dare to not say.. i cover myself with comfortable atmosphere like socialising and made new friends with the guyssss because i am cautious and suspicious over everyone who were close to me. (phobia after what had happened to me few months back hohoho)

can i ever trust anyone wholly? i'm so scared that things are going haywire (again) or me making things go wrong with absolute mistakes. this is also why i pull myself away, veiling mistakes after mistakes i created.

am i in deep with fisherman's friend? hopefully it's a nooo. i don't want to experience a second round of a disastrous emotional roller coaster ride again :(((((

but why am i feeling at the lowest again damn it.


COURAGEEEE DI MANA KAU!? :(